Why You Should Never Force A Course For Your Child

In Nigeria, once a child excels in science, you will hear the parent say, "He must study medicine." Similarly, when a child is making good grades in art class, you may hear, "She must study law." This is the situation many children and fresh secondary school graduates are facing, and whether the child likes the course or not is never the parent's problem.

Parents choosing a course for their child is not only common in Nigeria but also a thing for parents worldwide. In research reported at the University of Garut, it was discovered that 46-80% of college students have their major courses chosen by their parents. This number speaks volumes about course selection by parents.

Do not get me wrong, a parent choosing a course for their child is not a bad thing; it is even encouraged that parents should be well involved and informed in the decision phase when their child is trying to choose a course they want to study. Where the problem comes in is when the parents are making it a do-or-die course.

Why Parents Often Choose A Course For Their Child

There are many motives behind parents choosing a course of study for their child, and these motives can be influenced by many factors. However, some of the reasons parents often force a course on their child may include one or all of the following:

1. They Want Their Child to Have a Secure Career: In the current situation where getting a job in Nigeria has become very hard, most parents want their child to study a course that they perceive as having a secure career. So professional courses like Medicine, Law, Pharmacy, and Engineering become the go-to choices for most parents when choosing a course for their child. 
2. Social Expectations: What we noticed among parents is that they like bragging and social validation. You hear them saying things like My son is a doctor; my daughter is a lawyer. Because of this validation and social validation, parents will force their child to study this professional course just for this bragging right.
3. Family Influence: Some families have a history of being professionals. In this type of family, there is a social expectation already that every child coming out of the family must be a professional. When parents are doctors, they expect their child to be a doctor or in a related field. Because of this, many parents will want their child to study a specific course to carry the name or the already existing profile of the family. 

Aside from these three points we gave here in this blog post, there are still many other reasons that a parent will want to choose a course of study for their child, but the ones we mentioned are the three most common reasons.

Why You Should Not Completely Choose a Course for Your Child

As a parent who has experienced the world before your child, you may feel an urge to choose a course or career for your child. If you have this urge, know that you are not alone. 

Now, choosing a course for your child is never a bad thing; in fact, you are supposed to be instrumental in the decision-making phase when your child is trying to choose a course they want to study after secondary school. You are supposed to guide them, provide them with materials and the right information that will help them choose a course, but never compel them to a particular course.  

However, here are some of the reasons why you should not force a course on your child and allow them to make their choice:

1. Your Child May Have Different Interests: The point of choosing a course for a child is to make them a better person. But you have to first understand what the child wants. When your child lacks interest in a course or in a field, the child will never put in the required effort needed to excel in the field you chose for them. In the end, you as the parent will lose money and time sponsoring your child in a field that he may likely drop in the next few years. So for this reason, it is not advisable to choose any course outside the interest of your child's interests. 
2. Academic Strengths Matter: One thing some parents fail to assess is knowing the academic strengths of their child. You may want your child to be an engineer or and account, but their academic strength cannot withstand the academic toughness of these programs. Now, when you overlook this factor and you still go on to force a course on your child, the child will end up performing very badly in academics, and they might graduate with poor grades that will make employment very hard for them. In the end, it will be a waste of money, time, and resources for the parent and the child. 
3. You Are Delaying Your Child's Dreams: The many times you are forcing or making your child study a course that they don't have interest in is you delaying their actual dream from manifesting. A child who wants to be a footballer or musician doesn't have any business going to study accounting. So, to allow your child's dreams to manifest when they are very young, it is better that you guide them and not force a course on their neck.
4. A Prestigious Course Is Not Automatically the Best: As a parent, you may feel that prestigious courses like Medicine, Law, and Pharmacy are the best, but that is not the reality. These courses are very good, but they have a cap on the level of success you can achieve. Popular Nigerian writer Ngozi Chimamanda Adichie started studying Medicine and Surgery at the University of Nigeria, but she later abandoned the course and went to pursue Political Science and Communication in the United States. Today she is more famous, successful, and influential than all her mates whom she started studying Medicine and Surgery with at the University of Nigeria. Now you can see that because a course is prestigious doesn't automatically mean it will be the best. So allow your child to study the course they have interest on. 

The reasons above are some of the reasons you should not choose a course for a child but rather guide them to make the right decision in their field of choice.

How Parents Can Help Their Children Choose the Right Course

Parents should play significant roles in helping their child choose the right course. Because we said you should not force a course on your child, that doesn't mean you should allow them to make the decision themselves, and that is why we have this section here to enable parents to be able to guide their child in choosing the right course. 

Here is the practical step-by-step guide on how parents can help their children choose the right course:

1. First step. Start the Conversation Early. Don't wait till when it is time to apply for university before you bring up the discussion about the course they want to study. It is from this early conversation that you can have enough time to plan, decide, and advise them on the course they want to study.
2. Second step. Ask Questions. Now that you want to start the conversation, there are series of questions that you need to ask. As a child, what interest him? What subjects do you enjoy? What are you naturally good at? What careers have you considered? What do you dislike about certain careers? The response you get from these questions will determine what you will do in the next step. 
3. Third step. Research Courses Together. Now that your child has answered all the questions you asked in step two, you then put everything together and start researching courses to study based on his response. The research should not be only you; you can involve the child too in researching the course that best matches his interest. The research should be holistic; ask people around, ask people who are already thriving in the areas that interest him. Research the admission requirements for this course, the universities offering this course, and the duration of study. This research will help you to determine if the course is worth it.
4. Fourth step. Discuss Financial Reality. Before you reach this step, you and your child have concluded on the course he wants to study. Now is the time for you to discuss financial reality. There are courses that are financially draining. When your child chooses this type of course, can your finances cover the expenses of the training? Will the course be financially draining? are they scholarship or financial support available for the course? So discuss the financial reality with your child before approving the course.
5. Fifth step. Consider Multiple Options. You need to have other options aside from the course decided to choose. When there are option on ground, if the main course of choice is not forthcoming due to some factors, it will be very easy for the child to change to the available option without you going over to the research stage again. For example, if your child wants to study medicine, provide them with other related options like Pharmacy, Radiography, Dentistry, etc., so if medicine is not forthcoming, the child can easily switch to the available options. This will save time and stress for the child and you as the parent.
6. Sixth step. Allow the Child to Participate in the Final Decision. After the child has disclosed his interest, you've made the necessary decision, you've checked the financial involvement, and then provided the child with options, give him the chance to participate in the final decision on the course he wants to study.

What If Your Child Wants a Course You Don't Like?

Your child might want to study fine art, music, history, or language, but these are courses that you don't like. In a situation like this, the best thing you can do is to give the child reasons why his course may not be really good and a reason for him to change to another course. If the child agrees to change the course, then guide him to choose a very good one, but if he refuses to change, don't force him to change or threaten him to change, because if you do this, the purpose of guiding your child will be defeated, and in the end the disaster that you want to manage will then happen.

Final Thoughts 

As a parent, you will be faced with the tough decision of allowing your child to choose a course even though you don't like the course. All you can do at this stage is provide the child with a detailed guide on the best course to choose. Give him the reasons, but never force a course on him.